I’m just not sure about my previous post, “Am I Evil?…” Well, I am sure about it, but it came out in a form that felt dis-jointed to me. I can only conclude that someone needed to hear it that way, and that is the way that I wrote it. Nevertheless, it feels like it is not fully formed. This morning, I have a little more to add.
“Am I evil?” Of course.
But it is important to understand that “evil” and “good” are purely subjective ideas – the ends on the same piece of string. And, you being the entirety of the string, have the freedom to choose ANY position you like.
So, it’s all YOU – call it by any name you like. Pick what you would like. EVERYTHING is readily available to you. Realizing this is freedom. Don’t forget, though, that choices have consequences in this world that you will be obliged to experience. In short, use some judgment about what you may be setting yourself up to have land on your head.
So goes the lyrics of a song from a band by the name of Diamondhead, and recorded again by the heavy metal giants, Metallica.
“Am I evil..yes I am…” That’s the dilemma, really.
All of our religions, and all of our philosophies, in the end, seek to address this problem, this “failing.”
Sadly, if we weren’t convinced that we were “evil,”we would probably never seek to know something “higher.”
Am I evil? Yes, I am.
And if you have the “gonads” to admit that, then you have the power to lead a different life.
We all have a dark side…to pretend that we do not is the height of ignorance. Accept the anger…accept that you possess “evil” in equal measure as “good,” …then you will be free to accept a different choice.
The ego is malignant…it can bring you no peace or joy by listening to it. Words are just tumbling out now, from some place that is not of my realm.
You must admit to the “negative” aspect of who you are, the “evil,” if you ever wish to be something greater. Perhaps this makes no sense to you, but it is what I have been give to share this night.
In just a few days, we will mark the end of what we have deemed to be a “year,” an artificial and purely arbitrary idea.
If we continue to live, there is nothing “new” about a day on the calendar – time is only moments. You only get the current moment…there is nothing else.
Nevertheless, there will be much fanfare about the “New Year.” It is a time that many have collectively decided that is the harbinger of new beginnings…positive changes…a fresh start. I certainly have no objection to positive life changes. Nevertheless, I have an idea for you to consider.
You still have time to “beat the crowd.” You don’t have to wait until January 1st to implement your new strategies. You can do it today…December 30th.
This is most advantageous, as you will then be avoiding all of the pressure and weight of “New Year’s Resolutions.” Making a “resolution” is like some sort of Congressional act that you impose upon yourself. The pressure of the notion is why it so often fails.
No, go ahead and start today. No “resolution,” no “everything is gong to change” on a certain date. “Resolutions” are binding by their very nature, and your mind will resist accordingly.
You know what? Just begin doing things differently today, without a rigid agenda that begins on some artificial “start point.” And move forward with your intent with kindness and compassion towards yourself. Stop holding a gun to your head about what you “should” be doing. Just do the best that you can, with faith and freedom. Such an attitude will bring the changes that you desire with much less stress and pressure.
Sure, have your goals, but do not become their slave with “resolutions.” Sneak in “under the wire,” TODAY. Just start behaving differently. And then, on New Year’s Day, you won’t be under the shadow of what you “have to change;” you will already be rolling along.
Newness, rebirth, is at your discretion…not a day on a calendar.
“Perhaps you are right.” That is the opening sentence that I used to excuse myself from a conversation on Facebook among a group of Advaitists. I decided not to engage in a philosophical argument with someone whose position was NOT going to change. Their rigidity was such that it resembled rigor mortis.
If you do not know, Advaitists, more specifically, Advaita Vedantists, are a group of people who follow the tenets of the Vedas, Upanishads, and the Bhagavad Gita in pursuit of the path to “kill” the ego. For the most part, they are “good” and well-meaning souls.
They understand, (like Buddha and many other sages, past and present), that the human ego is the source of all suffering. I believe this to be true; I have no argument against it.
What I found to be sadly amusing is that I was responding to a person who wrote to me that I was “mingling” with the wrong group of people, as the killing of the ego was their ultimate goal, and I guess I just didn’t “get it.”
What I had done was to point out that the very nature of their pursuit was the personification of ego; to have an unwavering stance on ANY subject is unquestionably an ego position. He didn’t like that…it rubbed him the wrong way. So, I backed away politely, and left him to his illusion.
Imagine, someone who’s stated intent is to “kill” the ego, “politely” letting you know that you didn’t belong in his company! I laughed out loud after I ended our conversation. It seems inconceivable that those whose goal is to kill the ego are often some of the most egotistical people who you will ever encounter, (though not all).
Yes, it’s quite a clique – yet another body of people who are convinced they have the inside line on the “Ultimate Truth.” But, there is no “truth” in an ultimate sense - only one’s perspective, taught to you by others, and books, and your individual experience.
Honest and sincere? Yes. Truth? No. We cannot speak of an absolute truth, because each mind has its own perspective.
But, the gentleman was right, in that I did not belong in their clique of “absolute truth,” because the very idea of such a thing is an untenable wheelbarrow-load of absolute bullshit. “God” will speak to you as He/She/It deems fit. It will be “right” for you, but that does not make it a universal and ultimate “truth.”
And so it goes. Guard yourself…be OK with that to which “God” leads you. Embrace it fully, but do not be the fool who deigns to think that he/she has been shown the ONLY truth; God is much bigger than that.
U2, my favorite rock band in history. Not just because of the great hooks, brilliant melodies, and the mesmerizing guitar work of The Edge, but more because of their unflinching idealism and romanticism.
They were hitting their stride during some of the most challenging times of my life; times of life and death…of killing, and hoping not to be killed. I was a fan before then, though, of albums like “Boy,” and “War.” All of that aside, just think about it…Where The Streets Have No Name.
Here are the words:
I want to run…
I want to hide…
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.
I want to reach out, and touch the flame…
where the streets have no name.
So powerful, so appealing…such a feeling of release.
What happens where the “streets have no name?” You no longer have a “definition;” you are FREE – not confined to a category.
You are not “this,” or “that;” you are simply free. The Spirit soars like the hawks that are my constant companions.
May you experience this freedom, in its fullness, every day from this day forward.
Well, thanks to several readers of my blog who receive it as an e-mail, several of them forwarded the text back to me to post again. Apparently, at least a few people loved it, and said so, and wanted to see it back up again. One said, “YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!! to all that you wrote.” I thought it was a bit of a “downer,” maybe best that it disappeared, but it seems to have resonated with a lot of people. So, here it is [with a few minor changes and additions].
Image via Wikipedia
Probably the last post I shall make before Christmas Day.
Such a busy time.
Christmas Day, we shall have 5 overnight guests.
Christmas Eve, we shall be visiting our wonderful son and son-in-law and our Grandchildren at their home.
And then, the day after Christmas, we shall have 15 family members, (possibly more), arriving to eat and make merry.
It is a great expense; a lot of food purchased, and a lot of work. Sometimes, I ask, “for what?”
My intentions are heartfelt…I want it to be the best Christmas for everyone. I offered to host the gala…because I WANT to be the giving, trusting, hopeful soul that is all that Christmas embodies.
But reality for me isn’t so. In the crude parlance of the age, “my mouth writes checks that my ass cannot cash.” Financially I can manage, but emotionally…not so much.
I’ll get through it…but the beauty that I envision, the magic that I want to create is beyond me. Why? Severe, permanent, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; look it up.
Yes, I want to be the reclaimed “Scrooge.” But, the pressure of it all is a “trigger,” and I find that I struggle to enjoy the event. I volunteer with high hopes, then quickly find that I have jumped into what are, for me, raging flood waters.
I don’t see the presents being unwrapped, or the joy on the children’s faces, because I am consumed with the food, and everything being hot, and perfect, and ensuring that everyone leaves with a full stomach; It’s all part of PTSD. (Hmmmm…perhaps I can add obsessive-compulsive disorder to my challenges
There were many Christmas days that I went away hungry – I never want it to happen to a guest in my home.
It is my desire to bless.
My motives and invitations are sincere.
But in the end, I am left as a worn and beaten heavy bag. Severe PTSD is relentless; it cares not about the love that drives me to open my arms.
What can I write but the truth?
I do not ask for sympathy…sympathy will kill you.
I do not know what I want to say. Only that, maybe you are like me in some way; an overflowing heart that your body and mind are too compromised to support – but you do it anyway.
I will be “down” for a few days after this is over, and that is the truth; probably sleep a lot. Despite that, I will give until it hurts [Actually, I don't have much choice about the hurting. Despite my intent, my acceptance, and my hopes, the subconscious triggers of PTSD bring about physiological responses that I can no more stop than I can stop a speeding train].
And that, my friends, is the essence of all that Christ taught and lived. He suffered for the betterment of all. No, I’m no Christ, and my suffering is minor by comparison, with results far less life-altering, but at least I’m in good company.
…my last post before Christmas. But now it is gone.
In the midst of posting a reply to a very nice response from a good friend, I made some sort of keystroke that erased the whole thing, post and all.
I can’t find it in the trash bin, or the drafts, or anywhere. It’s just gone, and that’s that. [Sure wish I knew what key it was that had such a powerful effect, though!].
So, if you just came here looking for it, my apologies, the dog ate my homework
Now onward and upward! Happy Holidays To All, (and if I discover the post, I’ll re-post it).
“One thing about trains. It doesn’t matter where they are going…what matters is deciding to get on.”
These words are from one of the most amazing and wonderful Christmas books/movies ever to be made, The Polar Express.
I spent may years of my life wandering around in, (metaphorical), train stations. It was a long time before I decided to board one – to commit my life to something.
Is your life miserable? Is it devoid of magic, or hope, or purpose? Then board a train going somewhere. It doesn’t matter where…you can always change trains at the next stop. But NOTHING happens if you do not commit to “take the ride.”
The season that is now upon us is a manufactured, money-making scheme. Maybe it didn’t begin that way, but that is what it is now. Despite that, I say ENJOY it…be grateful for what you have, who you are, and the blessings that come your way. But in the midst of all of that, make it a point to get your ticket punched and start MOVING toward a destination that means something to you. Decide to “get on,”…TODAY.
I wore flannel, I looked forward to hunting season, and the Dukes of Hazzard were idols to me and guys I grew up with.
Since then, over the years, I have traveled the world, enjoyed the finer things in life and been privileged to absorb some culture.
Still, all-in-all, I’ve spent a LOT of time in the woods, in nature, and have come to know its “moods” and the characteristics of the many creatures that live there. I prefer that environment to any other. Today, I experienced something That I have NEVER seen occur before.
I was walking on a trail, and up ahead of me, I saw the flutter of wings in the trees. I couldn’t tell what it was at that moment, only that it was a pretty large bird. I continued on, and within moments I was beneath the birds that I saw. They were Crows.
If you don’t know, Crows are the alarm system of the woods; they “caw” at anything and everything that moves. Today, that didn’t happen.
There were at least four large crows in the trees above me, and they did not make a sound; that doesn’t happen. I am nearing 50 years old, and never have the crows been silent at my approach.
They flew from the trees above me as silently as owls, without a peep. I cannot explain it. I can only think of the mantra that I am practicing…a mantra that placed an image in my head some days ago.
The image was fully formed – it was me, placing my hands upon a tree in a “Vulcan Mind Meld” sort of posture and reciting the mantra at a whisper. Yes, it seemed crazy to me, too, but I did it.
Nothing happened when I did; at least nothing that I was cognizant of…no change in my feelings, no anything that I could feel. But there is a tie-in here, just the same.
When I first became the “seer” of this mantra, I described it in my personal writings as “enveloping,” and “complete,” and in some way that I could not define, a mantra that involved some sort of “esoteric” communication with the natural world.
Today, it was if I was invisible or, at the very least, ONE with the natural world. No notice was taken of me…I was not a threat. I could have been a rabbit, or a raccoon; perfectly acceptable in the world of the crow…not a threat.
This is a powerful thing. Perhaps it is of no significance to you, but I found it to be amazing. So, why not put it in my blog?
I look forward to some comment from my readers. You are wise, and loving, and considerate. What do you think?
I’m just not sure about my previous post, “Am I Evil?…” Well, I am sure about it, but it came out in a form that felt dis-jointed to me. I can only conclude that someone needed to hear it that way, and that is the way that I wrote it. Nevertheless, it feels like it is not fully formed. This morning, I have a little more to add.
It might just give them hope. It might just mean more to them than you think possible.
